The Quiet Exhaustion of “Making It” Abroad
You left home for opportunity for peace , purpose, and a better life. But what nobody tells you is that sometimes, success abroad feels like slow suffocation.
You wake up early, work double shifts, pay bills that multiply,
and still find time to send something home because “You know how things are back here.”
You’re smiling in pictures, but behind closed doors, you whisper:
“I’m tired.”
That’s when the whisper turns into wisdom:
You don’t need to crash, you need to disappear.
A Story That Mirrors Too Many
Meet Chiamaka, a Nigerian nurse living in Houston.
She worked 12-hour shifts, paid her family’s rent back home,
and was the emotional lifeline for everyone, even those who drained her.
One Sunday, she came home from work, looked at her reflection,
and didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror.
So she stopped replying to messages for a week.
Then two.
Then a month.
She wasn’t depressed, she was resetting.
She took walks. Slept. Cried. Wrote.
Stopped explaining her silence.
And when she came back online, she was a different kind of calm.
She stopped being the fixer. She became her own rescue.
Why Diaspora Africans Need to Disappear Sometimes
Life abroad teaches you how to survive, not how to breathe.
That’s why disappearing becomes medicine.
Here’s what it does:
- Heals burnout – You’re not lazy. You’re depleted. Silence restores your energy.
- Breaks performance pressure – You don’t owe social media your success story every week.
- Protects your empathy – Too much giving without grounding turns compassion into exhaustion.
- Reveals your real tribe – When you go quiet, the users disappear, and the real ones show up.
Disappearing doesn’t mean running. It means remembering who you were before the world demanded so much.
The Diaspora Reset Strategy (Step-by-Step)
- Say No Without Explaining
Not every request needs justification. “No” is a complete sentence. - Log Off Intentionally
You don’t owe anyone 24/7 access to your peace. Mute, delete, or detox, whatever it takes. - Rebuild Your Identity Beyond Obligation
You’re not just “the one abroad.” You’re human, allowed to rest, dream, and heal. - Create New Rhythms of Rest
Walk. Cook. Journal. Watch sunsets. Pray. Don’t rush clarity, let it unfold. - Return in Power, Not Proof
You don’t come back to impress them. You come back because you’ve become the version you prayed for.
The Psychology of Strategic Absence
Psychologists call it controlled withdrawal, a conscious, restorative break to reclaim your mental and emotional autonomy.
It’s not ghosting — it’s grounding.
It’s not running — it’s returning to your power source.
In African culture, silence often feels like rebellion.
But in healing, it becomes resurrection.
The Magic of the Comeback
When you reappear:
- You speak less, but every word hits deeper.
- You look softer, but your boundaries are steel.
- You stop trying to be understood and start being felt.
People will ask, “What happened to you?”
And you’ll smile, because they’ll never understand, you didn’t disappear to escape. You disappeared to evolve.
The Truth Nobody Says
Empathy without limits becomes emotional slavery.
Disappearing is not selfish, it’s sacred.
The world may forget your silence,
but when you return, they’ll remember your power.
Ready for Your Reset?
If your spirit has been whispering, “It’s time,”
listen.
Step back.
Rebuild.
Then come back unstoppable.
Begin your comeback journey at EuniceIrewole.com/blog —
where Africans everywhere learn how to heal quietly, rise strategically, and return unshakable.
