When your good heart becomes the reason you’re always tired, broke, or disappointed.
“Unafeel sana” When Empathy Becomes Emotional Suicide
In Kenya, people love to say “You have such a big heart.”
But what they don’t tell you is that a big heart can break quietly — and permanently.
Because here, empathy isn’t just a virtue.
It’s often a trap , a weight carried by those who can’t say “no,” even when they’re drowning.
The Helper Who Cracked
Meet Brian, a graphic designer from Nairobi.
Everyone knew him as “the good guy.”
He was always available, for friends who couldn’t pay on time, for colleagues who needed “just one more favor,” and for family members who turned every success into an ATM alert.
One day he told me, “Bro, I think I’m disappearing.”
He wasn’t depressed. He was drained.
Because empathy, without boundaries, doesn’t heal, it hollows you out.
Why Empathy Hurts More in Kenya
Because we live in a society where “helping each other” is sacred, but boundaries are seen as betrayal.
- You lend money you can’t afford because “ni family.”
- You listen to everyone’s problems, even when you have your own.
- You stay in relationships that are bleeding you dry, because “I don’t want to hurt them.”
In Kenya, emotional self-sacrifice is seen as maturity.
But what it really is, is slow self-erasure.
The Psychology of Over-Feeling
Empathy feels noble. But when you carry too much, it turns toxic.
- Emotional Fatigue: You absorb everyone’s emotions until you can’t feel your own.
- Guilt Complex: You mistake other people’s happiness for your responsibility.
- Manipulation Risk: People learn that your soft heart is their shortcut.
The result? You become everyone’s emotional dumping ground and your spirit becomes tired before your body does.
The Hidden Truth About Being ‘Too Good’
If you’re always the one checking in, paying the bill, fixing the mess
You’re not being “kind.” You’re being used.
Because empathy without boundaries attracts takers.
And in a world of survival, takers rarely stop themselves.
You have to stop for yourself.
Wanjiku’s Awakening
Wanjiku, a nurse from Nakuru, was known for her patience.
When her boyfriend cheated, she forgave him. Twice.
When her sister lost her job, she paid her rent for months.
When her mother criticized her for saying no, she smiled and said, “It’s okay.”
But one day, Wanjiku snapped.
She turned off her phone for a week and disappeared from everyone.
When she came back, she said,
“For once, I didn’t save anyone. And for the first time, I felt free.”
Empathy Doesn’t Mean Self-Destruction
You can care deeply and still protect your peace.
You can love hard and still set limits.
You can be soft and still say no.
Because empathy without wisdom is self-sabotage.
How to Stay Kind Without Being Used
- Check Your Emotional Budget
Just like money, energy must be spent wisely.
If it doesn’t replenish you, it’s costing too much. - Say “No” Without Guilt
You can’t save everyone. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back. - Recognize Emotional Users
If someone only calls you when they’re in crisis, you’re not their friend, you’re their therapist. - Turn Compassion Into Strength
Use your empathy to build, not to bleed. Help from power, not from exhaustion. - Rest Without Explaining
Silence is not selfish, it’s survival.
From Feeling Everything to Feeling Right
Real power is not in feeling more, it’s in feeling intelligently.
Empathy is a gift, but only when it has a gate.
So stop bleeding for people who wouldn’t even bring you a bandage.
The Awakening
You’ll know you’ve healed when you can say:
“I still care… but I also care about myself.”
When your kindness has rules.
When your love has logic.
When your peace becomes your first priority.
That’s not being selfish.
That’s being free.
If you’ve ever felt emotionally tired from being “the good one”,
If you’ve ever helped until you felt hollow
It’s time to heal differently.
Share this post with the soft hearts who keep saving everyone but themselves.
And for more deep, awakening reads that touch the African soul, visit
EuniceIrewole.com/blog where we write the truths everyone else is afraid to say.
